Death

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No matter how close someone is watched or how secure you think every thing is, someone truly dedicated to self destruction will manage to kill them selves, and there ain't but nothin' to do about.  Just fill out the paperwork, endure the investigation, and deal with the shit storm of publicity that accompanies every successful suicide, or unwitnessed deaths.
The problem with this is the poor slob who comes upon the body, not one person will ask that person about what they feel like too many people scurrying to cover their ass.

I know what it's like.  I found a sixteen year old boy hanging in a doorway on the B-1 sun porch.  The lights weren't on just at the moment so I didn't at first see the power cord around his neck.  I went up to him and tapped him and he swung. Oh fuck!

The shit hit the fan just a second later, when I screamed for help. I grabbed the kid and untied the noose from the doorway and put him on the floor. Me and a late friend began CPR, both of us knowing it was fruitless.  We both knew he was dead.  Finally after what seemed like an eternity the paramedics arrived and took over for us.  He was taken down to Hunt Hospital and declared dead.

Then the ordeal actually began. First we spoke to hospital security, then Danvers PD took charge, and they grilled us for a while, and after they were done I had to talk to the State Police.  All that talk and no one took the time to ask me how I felt. No one actually wanted to know if I was alright. Especially the management of the hospital covering asses was more important

Frankly I felt like shit.  Even to day the image of that boy hanging there is like a recent memory, and it happened more than thirty years ago.  Most of you weren't born yet. I'd like to say it's gotten better

Thats the number one thing that I've been taught in my schooling and training at sites for fieldwork and internship. Always ask the person who finds the body, or knew the person. They are more likely to spiral downwards just as hard as the person they found. You should read the new Bruce moon book, chapter ten about top themes research has shown To occur with adolescents. One is suicide. He talked about techniques to use with someone you feel may be having suicidal ideation, themes you might see in their artwork that may indicate those thoughts, and most importantly of all to talk to the friends of that individual and whoever found them.

The thing is about finding dead people, it always makes the news.  It make every one look like shit. There was one that made the Tv news  a while back. A patient with full privileges left a hospital sponsored club to allegedly go back to the unit. The patient was last seen walking outside possibly headed down the hill. but wasn't far enough from the building to raise an alarm.  The patient was finally missed at the change of shift.  A search was mounted.  At the time there was no particular protocol for searches. Police were notified, and  the patient was assumed to have escaped, the patient had tried to do it before.

The patient hadn't escaped at all. The patient was finally found 17 hours after being reported missing, st the bottom of the steps at the old male building.  Rigor mortis had set in.  The patient  was long dead, from the reports it was a heart attack that caused the patient's death and the body rolled about 40 feet down the steps.  One of the female MHW's, (a good friend of mine for over 30 years) from the patients ward was called to ID the body.  She knew who it was immediately.

Then the shit hit the fan media wise. There is no good way to explain how you lost someone for seventeen hours, had have them turn up dead less than a hundred yards away form where they  were supposed to be.

In your setting I can understand why it would make the news, espicially an incident that you started this with. I have people pass away all the time in the nursing homes I work with. It's much different. Does not make the news. And 9 times out of 10 there are no family or friends to contact. I just had someone pass the other day, rip Gladys ritch, and thankfully her family were here to say their goodbyes. Other days I walk in and they're gone and that silence stretches on forever. I've started to be able to smell death if that even makes sense. Or maybe sense it? I just know when someone's about to die or has died even before I enter the room. There's just a certain smell, I can't place it.

I do however hope that in the mental health field the awareness is raised further about counseling those who have happened across a body, especially in your case. I can only imagine how jolting and earth shattering it was to have that happen and even further compounding that no one, not one person stopped to ask how you were. At my sites I can speak to a social worker if I'd like, but again I happen upon them in bed as if they were just sleeping.

Thank you again for sharing this story.

This is a personal note. Saturday morning my best friend, my cat Bill passed away sometime during the night.  He'd been failing for a while, and it wasn't a surprise, more of a blessing I'd say.  I expected it to happen, but it's still a wrench when 15 years of uncritical love leaves your life.  He and I used to sleep with each other.  He'd sleep on my shoulder, and partially on my pillow. He would be extremely put out with me when I got up in the morning for work. But he was always there the next night.  He lived in my lap  a lot.  He sat on my chest and looked into my eyes and purred. I loved him deeply, and miss him more than any one I've lost.  He's had that much of an effect on my life. Many times that purr of his kept me sane, kept me from popping my cork,  he stopped many temper tantrums before they started. I miss the little guy, and it's tough to adjust with life with out him.

I am sorry Ed. Right before I entered into graduate school, the day of me receiving my letter of admission and congrats, the week of senior week of my last days in college and graduating and moving on, I was bringing my dog max in to be put to sleep. We had found out she had rectal cancer and it was eating her alive. I had had her for 15 years. She was my best friend. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Very shortly after that my cat peanut started to stop eating. He was maxs best friend and vice versa. I saw peanut wandering my house aimlessly looking for max all the time. He just couldn't hold on anymore. He was 18 years old. A week after I put my dog down my cat went missing and the next day I found him curled up under his favorite bush. He had passed away in the night where him and max used to hang out. He is buried right next to that bush. I can understand your feelings, and I am deeply sorry for your loss. It will sound pathetic, annoying, bullshit, hurtful, idiotic, cliche etc etc and you may hate me for saying it to you, but I do want you to know from the very heart and soul of my being that it does get better, you just have to trust yourself and let yourself be able to slowly move on because the world keeps turning. I ended up rescuing a dog and a cat. It was the best thing I could do because we found out the dog was pregnant and I kept one of the puppies. The cat was going to be left outside with his liter because the individual did not want them dying in a shelter and was going to have them all spayed and neutered.  Now just like before the dogs and the cat are best friends and play with each other all the time and sleep near one another.

Sorry for your loss

There's another point I should mention.

Finding out that one of your patients has a terminal illness, that's going to take a long while to kill the patient.  Watching the patient become more and more debilitated over the passage of time, Cancer, ALS, liver failure whatever is tough to watch and deal with.  You do find yourself bending the rules frequently for the patients behalf.

Conversations become how the present is going, never about the future, unless the patient wants to bring it up.

Ed, I remember the dead lady found hours later.  My friend was the security guard on duty that night.  The papers gave him grief, for he left for his vacation at the end of his shift.  The actually rode him like a pony!  Like he was supposed to cancel a flight to Mexico and do a one man search for her?  I feel for you man.  You try, sometimes you win, sometimes you get kicked in the ass.   

There's another point I should mention.

Finding out that one of your patients has a terminal illness, that's going to take a long while to kill the patient.  Watching the patient become more and more debilitated over the passage of time, Cancer, ALS, liver failure whatever is tough to watch and deal with.  You do find yourself bending the rules frequently for the patients behalf.

Conversations become how the present is going, never about the future, unless the patient wants to bring it up.

I have this happen often in the nursing homes I work in or assisted living facilities. Many have cancer or are in renal failure. Some end up with bowl obstructions or blockages that are inoperable bc of their age. Very sad and strenuous on the body. Only future that's ever mentioned is where I am headed. I have talked bout where one ends up. That seems to come up a lot. Heaven is mentioned or hell or reincarnation. Whatever they want to talk about

I have not found dead bodies on any of my 1000 plus explorations but I have found signs their has been death. I went to this old shed in the desert that smelled like someone was killed or their was a dead body there. I really do not deal with death very well not since my friend was killed next to me while traveling up a lonely road to see this historic bridge and cemetery. A drunk driver hit and killed him kept going not a care in the world he was in the middle of the road dead before he hit the ground mangled badly. Even if you do or do not know the person its really hard to deal with the loss of anyone given that were emotional social creatures. I have found some strange things over the years that lead me to believe death occurred or something sinister like kids toys and bloody mattresses but nothing effected me as bad as losing my friend. Years later I am far from over it and I am not sure ill ever be over that!